Once a month the Families Matter show address topics families, teens and children deal with everyday.
Come join us this month as hosts Kecia Burcham and VS Grenier talk about Stalkers and Abuse. There is help out their and they want to share information so you or a loved one can get the help you need.
Drama does not keep boyfriends
By: Kecia Burcham
Teenagers are under extreme pressure largely by virtue of their age.There is pressure from parents, pressure to do well in school, sports and to fit in.This pressure is normal, and most teens are able to handle it.After all, life itself comes with pressure.
I'd like to address the girls in this article as I have noticed personally and in the news that there are some young ladies who are feeling extremely desperate. Society and popular culture continues to promote beauty, sex and coupledom as the things to aspire to. Sexual relationships are paramount in many of the most popular shows that teens do watch such as The Hills, Gossip Girl, 16 and Pregnant; even Sex and the City.
There is a particular subgroup of girls who base their entire self concept on being someone’s girlfriend. You know these girls; maybe you are one of them.They compromise their values, put up with abuse and then, when things don’t work out, they resort to desperate measures.These measures often includepregnancy scares,cutting and/or suicide attempts. This is a very small population, and it is alway serious when someone goes to these extremes. In most cases, these extremes are the result of true depression, lack of family support or some type of mental disturbance.
When it is manipulation as a way to force another's behavior, the concern is the utter desperation.What leads a young woman to believe that if she and her boyfriend break up; pregnancy, a dramatic attempt on her life or cutting herself will make him return?Most young men are completely turned off by such behavior because it implies instability and a neediness that most young men don’t know how to deal with.Even if an extremely sympathetic boyfriend was temporarily pulled back into communication with an ex-girlfriend over such an event; it is highly unlikely to be permanent. If he is made to feel responsible for someone else's choice, he may stay until the dust settles, but his heart won’t be there, and he’ll move on eventually whether the girlfriend knows it or not. Then he'll be called a cheater. If someone no longer wants to be in a partnership, it cannot be forced. You cannot demand affection, nor can you blame someone for your own choices. If it’s over, it’s over, and creating some dramatic scenario to maniuplate the situation is not only unfair, but it is not going to bring someone back. It is also going to damage your reputation. Someone else who might have been interested may view you as deeply troubled or a "drama queen".
Teen relationships end. You are still worthy and valuable.They are supposed to be opportunities to learn; to figure out what you like, what you don't like; to decide what you value and what you don't.Some work out, some do not, but manipulating someone with dangerous choices is not healthy. It is also very ineffective.
If you or someone you know is considering something drastic as a means to an end, please remember that desperation is not attractive. If someone is not treating you well, or if they have decided to move on; Let Go! Find someone or help them find someone to talk to - parents, friends, coaches, teachers; they can all be supportive and help you realize that life is more than a boyfriend!
If reaching out is difficult, the below links might be helpful: